I'm 17, turning 18 end of this year. I'm still a full-time student, still under my parents supervision. My life is controlled and i'm told to do what's right for me. Somehow, at this moment. I felt the urge to have a little one, a little innocent baby in my arms, just to complete this emptiness in me.
On tv and newspapers, I see millions of people who dumped their babies just about everywhere ; in the sewer, by the roadside, even in a garbage can full of all kinds of insects. Don't they have the morality and guilt of throwing those poor innocent babies just anywhere? Don't they think about them at all? Don't they know the baby might get bitten by ants and insects? Can't they hear the cries and pleas of the babies, telling them "mummy, daddy... help me. i'm hurt. i'm hungry. i'm cold...help me..." Can't you hear all those? No, you said no. Why? Because babies can't talk. Let me tell you this, it only takes you to look at their faces and into their eyes to know what message they're trying to tell you. It only takes a glimpse to know what the baby feels and wants. How would I know? I know. That's because, I still have a heart and I know what's right and what's wrong in life. I still have humanity and morality inside of me. I still have guilt, and I couldn't bear seeing myself commiting such sin in life.
This is the babies, the children of the future... that will pray for you. That will love you. Isn't there a hunch or maybe a slight feeling in you that you would want to see them grow up? Don't you feel the urge to record every single moment your baby makes? Her first photo, her first video... her first word... her first walk? Don't you feel proud having a baby as perfect as God created... don't you? I would. I dare say this, I would.
I would record every moment of my baby. I wouldn't miss it for the world when she says her first word and when she had her first walk. I would just spend what time I have for my baby. It would just be my baby and I. I would look into *her/his eyes daily and tell her/him how much I'm blessed to have her/him in my life. I would sing her a lullaby, maybe write one for her. I would love her, teach her what's been taught by my parents. I would dance, I would sing with her. I would laugh with her. I would cry just for her. My whole heart will be for her. There will be no one more important than my baby.
I would work hard to find enough money for us to live somewhere peaceful. Maybe in the country? I would try to find enough money for us to live in Scotland. A place where I found my peace, my bliss. I would take her out for a stroll around the green park. Take her to the lake to feed the swans and ducks with her. Take her shopping and buy her the most adorable, most lovely clothes. I would do her hair, just so she would feel cherished and out of this world. Most importantly, she would feel how deeply, I love her. I would too bring her around to visit the famous landmarks and castle. During Spring, i'll take her to the 'Secret Garden' for her first tea party and upcomings. During Summer, i'll take her to the beach nearby and we'll build our sand castles. I'll make her a princess, my husband's and mine. During Autumn, we'll play with her out in the lawn and blow leaves at her. Run around with her, laughing. During Winter, we'll show her the beauty of snow. We'll teach her how to make 'Snow Angels', also take a picture of her catching her first snowflakes with her tongue. We'll play snowball wars and i'll just let her win, so I could see that special smile on her face. I would give up the world, just so I could be with her.
A dream will come true, if only you believe
- Cinderella
I believed. I will always do. It may look more like a fantasy, but hey ? you never know right. If you have faith, anything is possible.
However, right now... I don't think i'm ready yet. I'm not ready for all the responsibility as a parent. Most importantly, I haven't found my Mr. Right yet. I don't want to rush in this kind of things. I still want to spend my time with my parents, my family and my friends. When the time is right, I would know. By then, i'll be a devoted mother, wife and still... daughter.
I'm proud to have parents like Ayah and Mama. I would try to be like them. Protective but still flexible at times. I would look up to them on how they managed to raised four daughters into beautiful princesses. Thank You to Makbang and Tok Mak as well. Without all of them, we wouldn't grow up into human beings, but God knows where the road might lead us. Thank You. I Love You. You're precious to my heart.
Ayah, you're the King of my heart.
Mama, you're the Queen of my heart. My
Makbang and Tok Mak, you're the Keeper of my heart.
- *Him or Her.
I may not be the perfect daughter, at least I tried.
I may not be the perfect daughter, at least I tried.
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